"I have personally experienced detrimental gym culture. Now that I have the knowledge that I do, I can’t believe I did not recognize the negative coaching I was experiencing. The coach was unpredictable, demeaning, and belittling and has contributed to many of my setbacks in normal day to day life.

- He told my teammates and I we were an embarrassment when we did not compete to his standards.

- We would get punished at practice by assigning us unreasonable practice plans to complete.

- He would throw his phone, ChapStick, or anything he could get out of his pocket when getting angry at our performance.

- He would kick mats and scream or make us condition if we weren’t going fast enough. These are just a few examples…

I think the worst of it now is I never learned to have a voice. We were never given the option to have one. We listened and did as we were told. We did not question the “grown up” that was supposed to be taking care of us, the “grown up” that was supposed to help us follow our dreams, the “grown up” that we would interact with more often than our own parents at times. We were children who were taught to be respectful and we believed the “grown up” was RIGHT and WE were WRONG.

You are probably thinking HOW? How did I, my parents, my teammates, or other parents and staff not see this was a terrible culture?

We did not see it. We did not have the knowledge to understand it. We only had the knowledge that these coaches and staff were telling us. We were told to trust the process. In our eyes they were the experts. THEY were RIGHT. BUT in all honesty this mistreatment was happening all along. Every season an athlete would quit. Every season when someone would quit we were told by the coaches:

- they had a “crazy parent”

- or the athlete “had a bad attitude”

- or the athlete “did not fit in the group”

- or they left because “it was best for their bodies”

Unless you were the victim of their outrage you could not see the damage being done. With the rest of the group excelling, who was going to listen to the one parent or athlete that was having a problem? Who was going to question what the professionals were telling us?

The reason this culture continues is lack of knowledge, lack of training options, and lack of coaches’ accountability. We were surrounded by a community of parents and teammates that were like family, to this day some of them are.

Who would want to leave a family or support system of this caliber behind?

Who would want to commute an hour or more to start your support system over?

Who would want to question the coaches to back another parent up if their child was excelling and “the favorite”?

Who would want to take that risk?

My mom and I sought out a mental health provider and started to ask these questions. We went through all of it and in the end we took the risk because we had to. After numerous meetings with coaches and ownership it was time for us to leave. I was given the options:

1. Stay with my mentally abusive coach with no means of supervision.

2. Or leave

Another parent that was close to us told me the day of my decision to choose the option that makes you feel most empowered. As a child I was devastated because which one of these choices were empowering? I told ownership I had the right to tell my teammates I would no longer be doing gymnastics with them. So I did. They got lined up and I told them I was no longer going to be their teammate. It was the most heartbreaking experience of my life. When I left it was a shock to everyone. My mom received many phone calls and questions asking what happened, why was I leaving, and was I going to finish my senior year somewhere else. The coaches and ownership told their lies. They told everyone I chose to leave BUT I pride myself on even through their lies, they could not get anyone to question my character.

I had received the leadership award voted unanimously by all coaching staff that previous year. My nickname in the gym for years was “mother goose” because I took care of all the athletes, even the little compulsory girls having a bad day. I loved caring for others and that was something no one could have taken away from me. Through all of this we thought it would open others eyes but an abusive culture is a pattern that takes a long time to repeat itself and is often the pattern not recognized. When you are inside the culture you believe this is normal, this is what it takes to be on a path to success. In truth there are many different paths to success.

I did finish my senior year out with a coach who believed in me and put my goals first. I beat my personal record on bars, beam, floor, and all-around at my last meet of the season. If that does not show you what positive culture can do I don’t know what else can! Every year we get a call from yet another gym parent asking for our story. Every year more athletes leave the sport they love. I wish my story could have a positive impact before it happens to them."